Trauma Responses: F That Noise
Traumatic situations impact our nervous systems long after the danger has passed.
Bad stuff happens. Whether we have some “capital T” Trauma or a collection of “small t” traumas, the impact and effects of these difficulties are real, and can keep rippling out in our lives long after the events are done. As a therapist in Maryland, what I’m usually seeing is how those effects shape the current moods, functioning, behaviors & relationships of my clients, sometimes long after the traumatic events have occurred. While individuals will have unique responses, based on the factors of their circumstances and lives, we can look at a broad range of responses to trauma that are quite common. By understanding our responses, we can often begin to find a path towards healing and hope.
Thank you, Next
Before we go any further, let’s acknowledge that your responses were survival strategies that helped you endure and live through, and past, traumatic events. Even if these responses are causing challenges in your life right now, they came from a place of trying to protect you. You did the very best you could with what you had and these responses deserve our sincere thanks. They got you through. Even if it looks right now like self-sabotage, we first start with a bow of gratitude for anything and everything that has helped you to survive. I’m glad you are still here.
F All This Trauma
Broadly speaking, many trauma responses fall under the categories of Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. These reactions are responses to what happens in the brain and nervous system when we perceive any sort of of major threat. The DANGER signal is sounded and the brain and nervous system go into survival mode. Our brains evolved this way to help keep us alert and alive in the presence of dangers that could wipe us out at any time. Unfortunately, the brain doesn’t make fine distinctions about what’s a mortal danger and what is not. When the DANGER signal goes on, the responses are kind of the same whether it is a tiger in our path or a really angry CEO in our doorway—our sympathetic nervous system kicks into gear and we are ready to fight or run away. Blood and oxygen go towards our limbs, heart rate increases, digestion decreases—the body is primed to take action to save ourselves. Sometimes we realize that there isn’t a real threat to our safety (That “snake” I spotted near the sidewalk is actually a stick; That sudden, loud sound was a car backfiring, etc), and the nervous system downshifts and we come back into the rest and digest functions of the parasympathetic nervous system. But when that DANGER signal goes on long/frequently enough, or the threat to our wellbeing is severe enough, trauma can ensue and it’s like the DANGER signal gets stuck in the ON position and those Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn reactions just keep going and going.
Freeze Frame
The Fight and Flight responses are probably familiar and understandable to most of us. Something bad and scary is happening—we want to fight to protect ourselves or run away to escape, and our brains and nervous systems automatically kick in to make that happen. But the Freeze response isn’t always as well known and understood. Just like Fight and Flight, Freeze is actually a hyperarousal (kicked up) state of the nervous system. But the survival strategy that the brain is employing here is communicating a command of “Don’t move or else you’ll die!”. This is an involuntary response—just like Fight or Flight—not one that was strategized and deliberated upon after careful thought. Because just like with Fight or Flight, there’s not a lot of complex thought happening now because the part of the brain that’s in charge of that stuff is offline while the survival part takes charge. Freeze is a survival strategy but can show up as a trauma response even if our survival isn’t on the line in this very second because our brains are now primed to scan and pick up on threats and danger and respond in this way.
A freeze response to trauma can look like: muscle tension in the body, hyperalertness, increased heart rate, shallow rapid breathing (these first parts look a lot like Fight and Flight, no?), energy that is pent up but can’t be released, and minimal or no verbalization. What can be a little tricky is to differentiate Freeze from a different trauma response that can happen—shutdown/collapse. Collapse, or shutdown, can also look like a stuckness or stillness but it’s a bit different because it’s coming from a hypoarousal state (the overwhelm of a situation didn’t kick the nervous system up—instead we go low energy because it’s just too much). The heart rate actually goes down, muscles are loose and there can be a blank stare. It’s a state of “I just can’t”.
Gratitude Reminder
Before we get to our final F-ing trauma response, let’s pause to remember again that every single one of these responses have come from a good place—the desire to protect you and keep you alive. If the continuation of these responses is making your current life harder on you, and you want to work on changing them, that’s great and absolutely possible. Treatment can be really helpful in finding new ways to take care of yourself well. But we come to all of that from a place of compassion and gratitude for the parts of you that have been doing anything they can to protect you up until now. They’ve had a tough job and they’ve been doing the best they can.
Fawn—The Frequently Forgotten F
Fight and Flight are the most well-known and understood responses of this bunch, with Freeze coming in a bit behind them. This last response we’re going to touch on today is often overlooked, but just as important to understand. The Fawn response can be understood as appeasing or people-pleasing, arising out of a strategy to try to protect oneself by putting the needs and demands of others above your own in the moment to try and avoid violence, abuse, abandonment or a hurtful negative reaction. The hope in a fawn response is that by letting your own boundaries down and putting the needs of others first, that you might merge your safety with others and finally be protected from hurt or abandonment. This can happen in the moment—trying to make sure that a family member with an explosive temper has all their needs and wants met so they don’t blow up on you. And it can continue as a pattern in subsequent relationships and situations later in life—not speaking up for yourself at work or in relationships and engaging in codependent relationships where your needs are ignored in order to meet the needs of others. The Fawn response is more likely to be seen coming from repeated and relational trauma—like patterns of neglect or abuse in childhood—rather than from a single traumatic incident, like a car accident.
Healing and hope for trauma reactions
If you’ve noticed something here that feels like it clicks with your experience, please know that there is hope for healing. There are a variety of well-supported paths for working with trauma reactions and help is available. Bessel van der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps The Score, is an excellent guide to deeper understanding about how trauma impacts our bodies and minds and some of the paths towards healing from it. It’s a great read for anyone trying to understand trauma reactions for themselves or a loved one. If you are looking for some tools that you can start to use immediately, check out this helpful and concise article about tools for managing traumatic stress, from NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness).
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If you are interested in exploring more about compassionate, effective therapy in Maryland (either online or in-person, located in College Park), please contact me. I’m happy to offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to hear more about what you are looking for and see if I can help, or point you in the right direction. To learn more about my practice, you can read more about how I can help here.
