Therapy Adjacent Books I Love—Part 2, Relationships: More titles from Your online Maryland therapist
“Books were safer than other people anyway.” ―Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Doorways—physical and metaphorical.
People are confusing. Even as an online therapist in Maryland, people can still be a puzzle to me. Relationships with people can be hard, even in the best of circumstances. Books can give us a safe, contained way to explore ideas, possibilities and connections so that we can better understand ourselves and others (What’s up, fellow introverts?!!?). Much like my other book lists, this one is definitely not exhaustive—it’s just a list of books about relationships (including parenting because that’s one big, challenging relationship) that I really like and think can be helpful for folks making their way through them. I hope you find some good ideas in here.
Books about Relationships—Suggestions from your online Maryland therapist
Facing Codependence—Pia Mellody
If codependency has been a challenge throughout relationships, this book is a great place to get a fresh approach to address the thinking, emotions & behaviors that can be addressed and help you move in a new direction.
Wired For Love—Stan Tatkin
The full title of this book says it all: Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship. I actually like his audiobook Your Brain On Love even more, but it can be hard to find. Tatkin helps us understand ourselves and our partners better, so we can manage conflict wisely and grow in closeness.
The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work—John Gottman
The Gottmans have put in the work in backing up their books with decades of very robust research. They have many books plus podcasts and other media, but this is a great overview of many of the essential concepts of their work and approach.
Mating In Captivity—Esther Perel
Perel offers a unique approach to issues of intimacy & sex in relationships. She has some wonderful podcasts, plus another book about affairs and a game to jump start deep conversations, but this book of hers is a terrific introduction to her ideas.
The Power of The Positive No—William Ury
I love this book and have used concepts from this book in every kind of relationship in my life—professional, family, personal. One of the hardest things can be figuring out how to get stuff done and keep relationships strong when we need to hold boundaries and say “No” to things. William Ury is the author or co-author of several other books on negotiation but this book is the one I go back to again and again.
Books about Parenting
Parenting. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Here are some books that can offer help and hope.
Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood—Dr. Lisa Damour
My copy of this book is highlighted, dog-eared, written in, has a busted spine and a disintegrating cover. A friend of mine that tells me the real scoop about parenting stuff suggested this book to me and the recommendation has been an invaluable gift. Got a tween/teen girl? Get this book.
Mothering & Daughtering—Sil & Eliza Reynolds
This cool book was co-written by a mother and her now-adult daughter and is meant for both mothers and their teen daughters and challenges the notion that growing up inevitably means losing the bond between them.
The Whole Brain Child—Dr. Dan Siegel
Understanding how brains develop and work (even just on a basic level) can help us be more effective and understanding parents. Another one of his books, Brainstorm, zeroes in on the adolescent brain and is useful for both teens and those that love them.
Smart But Scattered (Child & Teen editions)—by Richard Guare, Peg Dawson, Colin Guare
Executive functioning refers to a set of skills that help us to plan ahead and meet goals, display self-control, follow multiple-step directions even when interrupted, and stay focused despite distractions, among other things. Many, kids, teens & adults find at least some of these to be a challenge. These books offer a path for understanding and fostering these skills in kids and teens.
Parenting Without Power Struggles—Susan Stiffelman
What parent hasn’t felt like a power struggle with a tiny person has gotten the best of them? Stiffelman offers some useful metaphors and tools for how we can approach parenting with care, calm and confidence.
Good Inside: A Practical Guide To Becoming The Parent You Want To Be—Dr. Becky Kennedy
Dr. Becky also has a podcast of the same name and they share the same bottom line message: we all need to feel like we are good inside, no matter how old or young we are. Affirming this goodness in ourselves and our kids is the foundation of loving relationships and effective parenting. Even if you don’t have kids, you were one once and Dr. Becky has some serious pearls of wisdom for how to love yourself well.
"Books and doors are the same thing. You open them, and you go through into another world." – Jeanette Winterson
Books connect us—to ourselves, to others, to the wider world through space and time. If you love books too, I hope that the list above has given you at least one new idea for exploration. Please stay tuned for future posts with more book suggestions, and feel free to let me know if you’ve read one and what you thought of it.
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If you would like to connect around relationship issues or other mental health concerns, please reach out. I see clients in-person in College Park and online throughout Maryland.
