Asking For Help: Tips From a Maryland Anxiety Therapist

We can end up backing ourselves into a corner, when we don’t know how to ask for help.

We are back on the blog with another practical post to help provide some tools and resources right now. That long-delayed, final post in the types of rest series is just going to have to wait a while longer. As a Maryland anxiety therapist, I’m seeing a lot of need for practical tools at this time so I want to spend a minute with an overlooked one: asking for help.

Asking for help can be a real challenge for a lot of folks and can be an absolute game changer when leveraged well. All this—all of life, all the challenges and sorrows and fears—is too much for anyone to handle alone for too long. We all need companionship, company, support, help of all kinds.

Sometimes we do ask for help and we don't get what we need. People and families and institutions can and do disappoint us and let us down. But it won’t be useful if we conclude that help will never be provided, leading us to wonder why we’d bother seeking it out? That often leads to further despair and isolation.

WHY Is Asking for help so hard?

It can be difficult to reach out and ask for help.

Perhaps you are really great at asking for help when you need it. If so, HUZZAH! You can read on and learn some things that might help you understand others that don’t have this down as well as you, or take a pass on this blog post if it’s not for you. Choose your own adventure here.

But, if you are one of the many folks that get squirmy, itchy or nauseous when you think about asking for help, please stick around. You are my people! I grew up in New England and it was high praise to be thought of as independent and self-sufficient. If something was overwhelming or really difficult, you laced up your boots and got to work, and you definitely didn’t complain about it. You didn’t want to be thought of as weak, incompetent or whiny.

New Englanders don’t have a complete monopoly of this ethos—so many communities, cultures and families have also implicitly and explicitly taught this to their children from an early age. And, you know what, there’s an awfully lot of good reasons for this. People and institutions aren’t always reliable, and have actively set out to hurt others at times. Asking for help is sharing a vulnerability and that can, rightfully, feel far too dangerous to do at times.

So, we get really good at going it alone, not asking for help, taking on more and more overwhelming situations. And when we survive them, we tell ourselves that this is confirmation that we don’t really need help, making it very likely that we will just keep repeating this pattern in the future until we get to the point when we get absolutely bulldozed by life and CANNOT do it alone. And by then, it’s really hard to ask for what we need.

Practical Ways to Get better with asking for help

How can we get better at asking for help? Let’s spell it out with some tips.

If asking for help feels daunting or unfamiliar, you’re not alone. Many of us have spent years reinforcing the habit of self-sufficiency, making it hard to know where to begin when we do need support. As a Maryland anxiety therapist, I see firsthand how challenging this can be, so let’s break it down into some practical, approachable steps.

1. Start Small: If asking for help feels overwhelming, begin with low-stakes requests. This could be as simple as asking a friend for a book recommendation or requesting a small favor from a coworker. Building confidence in these smaller interactions can help pave the way for seeking support in bigger, more vulnerable moments. Bonus tip: practice this intentionally by making these micro requests regularly, even if you don’t REALLY NEED the help. Get the ball rolling.

2. Be Specific About What You Need: One of the biggest obstacles to getting the help we need is not knowing how to articulate it. Instead of saying, “I’m struggling,” try specifying the kind of support that would be most helpful: “I’m feeling overwhelmed with getting this home task done. Would you come over and hang out with me while I work on it?” or “I’m super sick. If you’re going out, could you please pick something up for me?” The clearer your request, the easier it is for others to respond effectively.

3. Consider Who You’re Asking: Not everyone is the right person to provide the kind of support you need, and that’s okay. If you’re looking for emotional support, a close friend might be a better choice than a coworker. If you need logistical help, like picking up groceries or handling paperwork, a neighbor or colleague might be a good option. Matching your need with the right person increases the likelihood of a helpful response. If you know your sister isn’t going to give you the support you need when you’re upset about something, don’t call her! Think about who has come through for you, or supported you, before and reach out to them instead.

4. Use "I" Statements: Sometimes, we downplay our needs or feel guilty about asking for help. Using "I" statements can help make requests feel more direct and honest without guilt-tripping or pressuring others. Try saying, "I could really use some support with this project," instead of "You never help me with anything." It’s often helpful to be really clear. Telling someone, “I need help”, often makes it more likely to succeed in obtaining it.

5. Expect Some Discomfort—But Do It Anyway: For those of us who struggle with asking for help, it’s natural to feel uneasy or even guilty about it. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re stretching a muscle that hasn’t been used much. The more you practice, the easier it becomes— just like every skill that you learn and practice. Remind yourself why you are working on this, take some deep breaths or ground yourself in another way that feels good to you before you make the ask, and give it a try.

6. Accept "No" with Grace: Not every request will be met with a yes, and that’s part of the process. If someone isn’t able to help, try not to take it personally. Instead, view it as information that can guide you toward someone else who might be better suited to support you. We can’t be in charge of the outcome of a situation, only our side of the interaction. Knowing that we aren’t in charge of their answer can also help us let go of any sense of guilt in asking. We are free to make a request and the other person is free to honor it or decline.

7. Remember That Reciprocity Matters: Asking for help isn’t a one-way street—it’s part of the give-and-take of relationships. Just as you might hesitate to ask for help, consider how often you appreciate the opportunity to support someone else. Helping and being helped both build connection and community. Allow people in by giving and receiving help. Community is how we have increased resources, influence and support. Be part of what makes that possible

Learning to ask for help is a skill like any other—it takes practice, patience, and a willingness to challenge old patterns. But it’s worth it. When we allow ourselves to seek and receive support, we make life’s burdens more manageable and remind ourselves that we’re not in this alone. If you’re looking for guidance, a Maryland anxiety therapist can help you develop these skills and build confidence in seeking support.

A free consultation with a maryland Anxiety therapist

If you are looking for support for anxiety or other concerns, please reach out. I see folks for therapy in College Park, MD and offer online therapy in Maryland. You can explore more information about my services throughout the website. Feel free to contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation.