The Mother’s Day Rant From Your Online Maryland Therapist
How about caregiving support and pay equity instead of flowers and a card?
So, if you didn’t catch my last blog post (the original Blant: part blog post/part rant), you might not know that I’ve taken a salty turn recently. The more therapist-y posts are further back—scroll on down the blog entries for some soothing, encouraging stuff if that is what you are after. But if you are also salty (especially around motherhood issues) and kind of ready to riot, read on.
Mother’s Day is a scam
If you are a mother, I sincerely hope you had a lovely, enjoyable Mother’s Day recently. And I very sincerely hope that you don’t have to wait another 51 weeks to have a scrap of support and celebration again. Because, real talk, this ratio isn’t working for moms. One day of commercialized and commodified expressions of appreciation does not balance out the other 364 days of the year in which our society takes mothers for granted and doesn’t give any actual support to them. Do not think you can buy my complicity with some flowers and brunch. I can buy my own flowers and brunch, thank you very much. What I’d really like is some actual help here to make life better for all families.
A list of desires from your online therapist in Maryland
I’d like:
To talk to children and teens and hear that they feel safe in their schools
Affordable and accessible, high-quality childcare for everyone
Science- and evidenced- based health care for every pregnant person in every state
Parental leave policies that allow all parents to spend time caring for their children
Caregiving support throughout the lifespan that doesn’t rely on the perpetual unpaid labor of women
A justice system that supports the safety and bodily autonomy of women
For men to stop randomly punching women in the face in NYC, and everywhere else
To distribute the mental load of family life more fairly, without women having to do the labor of teaching it each time
How about we skip the cards and flowers next year and start with all this instead, ok?
Heartache for everyone
Mother’s Day can be really hard for a lot of folks.
The Indigo Girls weren’t singing about Mother’s Day in their song Heartache For Everyone, but they could have been. There are just about eleventy bazillion ways in which Mother’s Day is tough for so many people.
There’s the folks grieving the loss of their mother. Those with difficult or painful relationships (or no relationship at all) with their mothers. Those who have experienced pregnancy loss or lost a child. Those who have desperately wanted to be a mother and it never happened. Mothers who are estranged from their children and don’t want to be. Mothers who don’t have anyone that can or will celebrate and support them. Mothers who wonder if it’s too much to expect some relief from the unequal domestic and mental load at home for just one day out of the year, without having to plan it out herself.
self-care With An impact: Suggestions from Online therapy Maryland
You matter. Live like you believe this.
So with all this insanity and heartache, how about taking care of you? I love a pedicure and cup of tea as much as anyone, but that’s not what I mean by self-care. Those little (or even bigger) indulgences that you can purchase are nice but their effects are often quickly evaporated when you jump right back into a routine and life that is dragging you under.
Self-care that goes beyond taking a breath for a nice moment involves some very powerful stuff in terms of setting and maintaining boundaries, challenging assumptions and systems of power, and really putting yourself as an essential part of the equation of your life—week after week, all year long.
Check out Dr. Pooja Lakshmin’s book “Real Self-Care”, or the many podcast episodes she’s been on for a whole run-down of actually how to understand and do this. If you want to change the landscape of the mental load and the division of labor inside the home, check out Fair Play by Eve Rodsky.
Please be kind to yourself if any, or all, of this is hard for you. You don’t have to get it all settled and set right away, but please don’t put off starting to make meaningful changes, inside and out, in order to live in a way that proclaims that you matter.
A free consultation For Online therapy maryland
If you are looking for support or help with any of these issues, please reach out. I see folks for therapy in College Park, MD and offer online therapy in Maryland. You can explore more information about my services throughout the website. Feel free to contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation.
