The Foundational Formula For Change, From a Maryland Therapist—Pt. 2
Let’s recap—how does therapy help create change?
In Part 1, we talked about the Insight portion of our foundational formula:
insight + action = change
Insight is getting more information and clarity about the issue we are seeking to understand and change. Maybe we are able to uncover lots of insight about the early starting points of this issue, but that’s not completely necessary. Perhaps we simply get a lot clearer about what the experience of this issue is like for you right now in your life—how it shows up in your body, how you typically react, or how your life is shaped by this. Whatever kind of insight we get, we can make the most of it and use it effectively in our formula of change.
lights, camera, action
I’ve heard it said that, in terms of transformational work, insight is the consolation prize. It’s nice; it’s good to come away with something. But, it’s not likely going to be the thing that single-handedly transforms your life. This is where the ACTION part of the formula comes in—in order for things to change, we must understand the situation more clearly and then take wise action to do things differently. It’s just a fancier way of saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always had”. Action is doing things. Wise action is knowing what to do, and is informed by insight. Doing things differently, based on insight might look like:
Using nervous system regulation skills during a challenging conversation instead of reacting in the same old way.
Challenging fears and phobias by using anxiety management skills instead of continuing the cycle of avoidance and more and more fear.
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with others by first figuring out your own priorities instead of sliding between resentful accommodation and avoidance.
Consistently following through on the small behavioral step towards progress you’ve committed to, instead of making giant plans and not following through.
put it all together
If we just go around doing things differently (all action, all the time), without the addition of insight, we might get some interesting outcomes (maybe good interesting, maybe not so much), but we won’t likely be able to create those bigger, long-lasting changes. Why? Because insight is the part that helps us understand why this action is or isn’t helpful, and we can then learn from this to adapt and apply this information to other, similar situations and begin to build out that strong foundation for change. We begin to see how this particular thing we are working to change is linked to other parts of our lives and we can leverage it to help create a fuller, deeper transformation into the life we long to live.
both/and
People come to work with me because they want something to change—usually some combination of the desire to suffer less and/or enjoy more in life. By the time we sit down together, they’ve been wanting a change for a while. Nobody comes to me the first day they are unhappy. These are competent, hard working people that have tried to deal with the issue on their own, so I know they have capabilities and strengths to draw on since they’ve already gotten this far in life. But something isn’t clicking. There’s an issue and they haven’t been able to get from Point A of right now to the Point B of change they want to see. Everyone has a different personality and one person might come in wanting to really get to the heart of understanding the issue—they want all the insight! Another person might be more action-oriented and come in wanting to know what to do ASAP to get the ball rolling on change. Great news! They’re both right. We can start anywhere, and we don’t pick one path or the other. Just coming in for therapy is a big action step in doing something differently, so we’ve got action started right off the bat. Understanding that something isn’t working and you need help is the insight counterpart to that. So the first session is already a win with this initial insight + action combo. From the very beginning, we’ll be adding to both parts of this formula to help create the change outcome they ultimately want to see.
Support From a Skilled Maryland Therapist
I hope this helps clarify a bit about how therapy helps to facilitate change, by using this foundational formula. If you are in Maryland and are looking for some help in making changes in your own life, please contact me. We can set up a brief phone call and see if we might be a good fit to work together towards your goals. My office is in College Park and I offer virtual therapy for online therapy in Maryland.
